August 24, 2012

How to take your weekend cabin trip from zero to hero.

I'm not totally sure what zero to hero means, but it sounded right. In other words, follow these steps in order to have a really rad time.

Abuse YOLO. I realize YOLO has already been abused but there's always more room for abuse <--- That is a really fucked up sentence.  Not only is YOLO a means of justifying any and all poor life choices, but it truly improves the general well-being of your trip. At a certain point its overuse just  turns into a huge joke. But it's a joke that works and somehow gets everyone to throw out their inhibitions. So if there's one thing you remember, it's use more YOLO. If you don't, you are at risk of later getting a bad case of FOMO (fear of missing out).  Here are some real life examples of how YOLO has recently been used:

"Do you want to shotgun a beer?" "I think I'm going to puke" "YOLO"

"I thought you said you didn't know how to swim? Are you jumping off that dock?" "YOLO"

"That dude over there is hot" "Who, the 15 year old?" "YOLO"

Use Fireball instead of mouthwash. Or Rumplemintz if you're really trying to get buck.

You need at least one hipster. This doesn't mean your friend that just happens to ride a fixed gear bike to work and occasionally rocks a mustache. I'm talking true, authenic hipster. The one that bought skinny maroon pants before they were cool and maybe goes by the name of tigerelephant on instagram. Hipsters are an integral part of any party because they always have the best music. They are also more inclined to talk about all their feelings which is neat.

Make guests work for their food. Get them on their hands and knees to go clamming. Our host told us that was the only way we would be able to eat that night, and she said so while standing around watching us break our backs to provide. At one point I heard someone wimper "but my feet hurt," and I'm pretty sure someone else was crying softly to themselves while the cool breeze whipped their face. A kitten also died that day.

But this act of teamwork increases camaraderie. It also makes for a really good dinner.

photo cred goes to tigerelephant, naturally
Bake some shit. This isn't the most vital element of a successful weekend, but we will say it is to uphold integrity of the blog. Make something like blueberry lemon bundt cake in the morning when people are all nice and hungover and they will go nutso.

Babies aren't invited. 

Overstay your welcome. You plan a trip for Friday to Sunday. You wake up Sunday morning abnormally depressed because it's nearly time to leave. But oh! You're drinking a beer over there? I think I will too. The rest is history and the next thing you know you are crammed in a car at 5:30am Monday morning in order to get to work on time. But there's a good chance that, as you are riding in the back silently praying you don't die of claustrophobia, you won't even regret your decision to get way too drunk for a Sunday. A Sunday that involved probably way too much interpretive dancing to the tune of Chris Rene's "Young Homie." Because holy shit that was fun.

Blueberry Lemon Bundt Cake

2 2/3 cup flour
1 tbs. baking powder
1/2 tsp. salt
1/4 tsp. baking soda

1 cup unsalted butter, room temp
1 3/4 cup sugar
4 large eggs, room temp
2 tsp. vanilla
1/2 cup buttermilk
Juice and zest of 1 lemon
2 pints blueberries

1 tbs. butter, softened
1 tbs. milk
1/8 tsp. salt
1 tsp. vanilla
1 1/2 cup powdered sugar

Preheat oven to 350.

Sift the flour, baking powder, salt and baking soda. Set aside.

Toss blueberries with a little flour to coat. Set aside.

Mix together butter and sugar until light and fluffy (about 2 minutes). Add eggs, one at a time, mixing well after each addition. Add the vanilla and lemon juice/zest and mix well.

With mixer on low, add about 1/3 of the flour mix, then 1/2 of the buttermilk alternatively, ending with the flour mix. Scrape down sides of bowl between additions. Do not overbeat.

Spoon a generous couple spoonfuls of batter into greased bundt pan. Gently fold blueberries into remaining batter and scrape into pan.

Bake 40-50 minutes, or until toothpick inserted near the middle of the cake comes out clean. Cool cake in pan for about 20 minutes, then turn onto a rack to cool completely.

Don't forget the glaze! Because no cake should ever be eaten without icing or frosting or glaze or straight peanut butter from the jar.

To make the glaze, cream butter, milk, salt and vanilla. Add powdered sugar and additional milk to desired consistency. Pour that sucker over the cake.

August 16, 2012

Is that food on your face? It's been there for seven hours.

You know when someone has food on their face and it's somehow really stressful? You are sitting with a large group and everyone can see this asshole just blabbing away with broccoli wedged between their two front teeth. And it's so excruciating, because you so badly want to be like joe, stop talking! you have green shit in your teeth and look like a complete moron right now! But it's almost worse to call them out, because then everyone stares while they awkwardly attempt to fish unknown food items out with their pinky finger for 6 minutes. Did I get it yet? How about now?

I don't know, I find it unfortunate this is such a sensitive matter. It happens to everyone, yet still there are no definitive rules as to how to deal with it. Or when to tell. Or how to not be an asshole during all of the above. But I believe the victim has the right to know, godammit. Let's think about this logically here:

Upon discovering food in your teeth a painful two hours after dinner has ended, have you ever thought to yourself, I am soo happy no one told me about this!

No, you haven't. In the same way you have never been able to feel actual remorse for the dying animals in the Sarah McLachlan animal rescue commercials because, well, Sarah McLachlan is in them. But that is neither here nor there.

My roommate's sister is huhh-larious because she a) doesn't tell people when they have food on their face and b) thinks she's doing them a favor. She stands by this and even does it to her own sister.  Allows her to just walk around downtown Seattle all day with biscuit crusted to her cheek should the opportunity present itself. Her stance on the subject is almost convincing and I appreciate the energy and dedication she commits to it.

"No seriously you guys, when I see someone with something on their face I just view it objectively. Like, oh, there's shit on their face. I don't see it as a bad thing. It's just a part of them."

This is a snippet taken from the 45-minute discussion we recently had on this matter.

Just kidding. It was more like an hour.

I find peaches to be generally messface-free food, which is why I made this dessert. Actually I made it because I somehow wound up with fifty thousand peaches in my house. And by somehow I mean I got a little too excited at the peach truck on the side of the road the other day.

Have you ever seen a more beautiful sight than this? Aside from Ryan Gosling or perhaps a babychild? Or even better Ryan Gosling WITH a babychild? In his arms, not his stomach.

Ok so you are going to go find a dirty-looking peach truck on the side of the road, and you are going to buy a lot of them. You are then going to question your life choices and maybe even get a little buyer's remorse because how much did you just pay for that box of peaches? And then you are going to make this dessert.

When I set out making this I wasn't too excited. I generally don't like fruit desserts because usually I would rather cram a million calories into my mouth by means of peanut butter or chocolate. BUT. This is pretty bomb and it's perfect for summer so just go with it, players.

Peach Cobbler

3-4 peaches, thinly sliced
3 tbl sugar
1/2 lemon juice and zest
1/4 cup water
1/2 tsp cinnamon
1/2 cornstarch

1 cup flour
1/2 tsp baking powder
1/8 tsp salt
3/4 cup butter
3/4 cup sugar
1 egg
1 tsp vanilla
1 tbl sugar mixed with 1 tsp cinnamon for sprinkling on top

Preheat oven to 375F.

In an 8- or 9-inch square pan, mix above ingredients and set aside.

Cream butter and sugar until light and fluffy. Beat in egg and vanilla. Stir in flour, baking powder and salt. Gradually add flour mixture and mix just until combined.

Drop batter over filling, covering as much as possible.

Sprinkle sugar/cinnamon mixture on top.

Bake 35 to 40 minutes, until crust is cooked and golden.